Well it was the first official week of the hot list and it wasn’t much to right home about. But it certainly was a good week for Annika Sorenstam who came back to not only win the event, but win the “hotness” this week on the hot list:
With the Super Bowl looming and Super Tuesday just a few days after that, I think it’s time for the Sportsblahg to dive in and give you the hardcore facts that would put even an ESPN statistician to shame. The comparison: Party winner in a presidential election in which there is no incumbent candidate (based on which conference wins the Super Bowl).
Are you still with me? Thanks to a little too much time on my hands last weekend (there was no football after all), I have found out that the conference winner of the Super Bowl has successfully picked the party who will win the election a perfect 4 out of 4 times. Forget the Patriots and 19-0, 4 for 4 is IMPRESSIVE! It’s more than just a coincidence, it’s almost law. So perhaps Obama & Clinton should put down their dirt slinging for the weekends and pick up Patriot pom-poms! Not to mention John McCain should have a serious heart to heart with Eli Manning (or Tom Coughlin, since they’re the only two still alive from the 19th century).
How did I come to this unequivocal truth you ask? An excellent question. As a collegiate graduate I will be happy to show my work for you. This information is free to spew as you see fit at any company parties or social events you attend this week (just make sure you credit the Sportsblahg):
1968 - Richard Nixon elected over Humbert Humphrey. Super Bowl winner is Green Bay Packers over the Oakland Raiders.
1976 - Jimmy Carter over Gerald Ford (granted Ford was kind of an incumbent, but not really). Super Bowl winner is Pittsburgh Steelers over Dallas Cowboys.
1988 - George Bush Sr. over Michael S. Dukakis. Super Bowl winner is Washington Redskins over Denver Broncos.
2000 - George W. Bush over Al Gore. Super Bowl winner is St. Louis Rams over Tennessee Titans.
There you have it! Proof that the last 4 times this has happened the Super Bowl hasn’t lied. It is less than Iron clad proof, but 4 times out of 4 is certainly something that is hard to renounce. Will it make the Republicans drop out after the Patriots wipe the walls with the Giants? Probably not.
Will it make you a statistical stud at the Super Bowl party? Probably, and then you just need to remember who to thank!
While this is technically not a sanctioned LPGA event, and therefore the hot list should not really be counting this week, we shall use it as a test week to work the kinks out of the ranking system:
Hottest Look: Team Japan
Nothing I like more than two girls in short shorts leaning over each other.
Worst Look: Team Korea
I think the image pretty much sums it up for itself.
Worst Look Runner Up: Team Philippines
Seriously, they may have won the event, but those shirts; WOOF!
No changes to the top 5, if you’ve forgotten them already, feel free to refresh.
The LPGA is off until Mid-February, when we will continue the Hot List. Full LPGA Golf Schedule found here.
The team is called is the New York Giants.
The team is not called the New York Football Giants.
The New York Baseball Giants have not existed for more than half a century. Not only is the baseball-versus-football distinction unnecessary, but more than two-thirds of the people in this country weren’t even alive when the New York Baseball Giants played. And the other third of the people in this country are either fully aware that the New York Baseball Giants no longer exist, or are suffering from crippling Alzheimer’s that confuses into believing they still do exist, because you keep referring to the damn football team as the New York Football Giants.
Yes, the New York Football Giants may be their corporate name, but when was the last time you heard a business journalist refer to AT&T as “The American Telephone & Telegraph Company?” Yeah, never, because it’s a moniker that makes the company sound like an outdated behemoth. And I think Giants fans would prefer to use only one of those two words when describing their team.
Also, I don’t think anyone is going to get the New York Football Giants and the New York Baseball Giants confused when you’re talking about Super Bowl XLII, you farking idiots. Unless, unbeknownst to me, Eli Manning has been pulled off the New York Giants‘ roster in favor of Willie Mays at quarterback.
Thank you.
If the stories of 2007 are written in 2008, then here are some of the best selling books I forsee in 2008:
by Pacman Jones: How many incidents has this guy had in a strip club? You would think he’d avoid them by now, but apparently he just loves covering half-naked sweaty girls with hundred dollar bills. He enjoys it so much, that he can’t possibly stay away from them, regardless of getting reinstated into the NFL. At this point, I’m not sure what is worse for him right now, getting caught at another strip club, or testing positive for steroids (Commissioner Goodell might give him bonus points for creativity). The forward for the book would obviously have to be written by Buffalo Bills defensive end Anthony Hargrove who would argue the counterpoint.
The “sleeper team” of the season, the San Francisco 49ers certainly did just that. An abysmal record despite a quality off-season of free agent signings and excellent draft choices, coach Nolan still looked fantastic. Like a Calvin Klein model on the sidelines Nolan always looked good, even when his team was being led by Trent Dilfer (yes THAT Trent Dilfer). Regardless, Nolan’s good looks a snappy dress have earned him another year leading the niners (it won’t change the fact that he has no first round draft pick however).
“How Cabo cost me Texas” by Jessica Simpson: By this point I’m not even sure if you can FIND a Jessica Simpson album in the entire state of Texas, let alone Dallas. I’m sure the next time miss “newly weds” comes into town she can expect a crowd of about twelve and 100 times that many death threats. Seriously, why would you get involved with a football superstar during the playoffs? Oh wait, because you need attention that you can’t get through your musical “career” or your lame ass tv show (now that your ex has upgraded). Ahhhh it makes SO much more sense now.
There are lots of other crazy people out there that do just as ridiculous a thing as you. Wait, but not as crazy as defecating on another human being? Especially for $3,000 (I hear most girls would do it for less). Let’s say Osi does this 3 times a week (perhaps 4 on game weeks). In 2007 he likely would have spent around $468,000 (that’s probably his bonus check for making the Super Bowl). Call girls of NYC, look out because Poppa Umenyiora’s got a belly full of refried beans and a big enough check to call you “john” for the year.I’m sure that if any of these NFL stars need help writing their novels, they should look no further than Los Angeles, California. Because with the writer’s strike still in full effect, there are plenty of pompous, self-righteous individuals with no job that could use the money (since let’s be honest, the NFL player’s haven’t written their own work since elementary school).
A disgruntled Rod Rust walking into the Patriots’ locker room waving a two-by-four? No. Gisele misusing the swinging sex chair and wrecking Tom Brady’s back? No. All the bad karma of every Rodney Harrison cheap shot finally coming back to haunt him? No.
What I’m trying to say is that while I don’t think the Chargers will win, I will say this: If the Chargers do win, it’s a stunning, unbelievable blowout. It’s like 21-0 at the end of the first quarter while all of New England stands around, stunned, thinking “This cannot be happening!” An absurd 42-17 beatdown no one sees coming.
San Diego, I think we’ve all forgotten, is one of the most talented teams in this league. Maybe not the smartest, maybe not with the most heart, and maybe not the best-coached team in today’s NFL, but they are player-for-player the most talented squad in the NFL. They are so talented that people are actually beginning to believe that Norv Turner is a good coach! While the play-calling was excellent last week, San Diego simply out-talented Indy, in my opinion.
Unfortunately, the two positions where the Pats have a clear advantage are coaching and quarterback. Those are kind of important. Volek and/or Rivers are no match for Tom Brady. (Now, if Shawne Merriman and friends can get to Brady and knock him out of the game, it’s on.) And I know even this guy has handed it to Norv for his work this year, but I’m not buying it. Plus, let’s not forget that the Bolts have Nate Kaeding kicking with the game on the line. Oh, hell no.
That’s why the Chargers have no shot in a close game. However, if San Diego can get to Brady pretty early, Antonio Cromartie finds out he can actually single-cover Moss, and they force a few three-and-outs . Then they get Tomlinson and Sproles the football in space against the crafty-but-old Pats linebackers and get an early lead, get rolling, and never look back, they can win easily. AJ Smith has been drafting superbly for years now. Also, don’t forget that the Chargers fit the pattern of the last two Super Bowl champs: the team with the best record the year before who was stunned in the divisional round that ultimately redeems themselves the year after. There’s no doubt in my mind they can do it.
They won’t. But if it does happen, it’ll be quite the stunner. And then, to paraphrase Wes Mantooth, we will spell redemption “N-O-R-V”.
Ah, three (real) football games are left in this season, and one of them has the wonderful, life-affirming, awesome story of a talented athlete having a great season as a lion in winter. Re-energized and reborn by the youth and talent of his new team, they host the NFC Championship Game against the New York Giants for the right to be pummeled by the Patriots in the Super Bowl a shot at everlasting glory in the desert. Who else but Brett Favre?
It’s his day in the sun, to drive the storylines of the sports media machines, and fuel the dreams of old guys everywhere.
That’s fine, but before you start drinking the Brett Favre Appreciation Kool-Aid, let me take a moment to make you think about all that syrupy sap you’re about to lap up. I’m not here to say he’s a bad quarterback, or that he’s not a great quarterback. No, not at all. One of the ten greatest, no doubt.
But the guy is seriously overpraised, no?
Come on, not even a little?
Yes, we know about the three MVP’s. The Super Bowl victory. The records for most consecutive starts, passing touchdowns, passing yards, completions, attempts, wins, and games with three touchdowns. All the Packers records.
But, to act like there was no Green Bay Packers before he got there, as too many people seem to do, is ridiculous. So is the constant minimization of his flaws and failures as well. But like any beloved athlete, that’s going to happen, especially for someone who seems to be as good a guy as Favre is. Maybe I’m a crank for bringing up the fact that I can’t remember the last time he was good in a road playoff game (or, until recently, a home one). Or the fact that he had the ball in his hands on the last drive in Super Bowl XXXII and didn’t get it done, stalling out at the 35. The point is, personally, there are other QB’s in history I’ll take any day over Favre. Sure, they may not be like a kid out there, but they would probably at least have tied John Elway’s Broncos that day:
John Elway: People forget now how crappy some of those late ’80s Broncos teams were. He was often their best RB as well as their quarterback, and Dan Reeves would keep the wraps on him until he needed him to save the day. Which more often than not, he did.
Joe Montana: 
Not the most talent, not the happy-go-lucky gunslinger, and no, not like a kid out there. More like an assassin. With the game on the line, how would you not want Joe Montana under center. And if you think he was only aided by the talent of the 49ers, let me direct you to his Chiefs years, where he overcame Marty Schottenheimer to win playoff games!
Dan Marino: No, he never won the big one, but if I’m going to take a gunslinger, I’ll roll with Marino over Favre every time. Rarely made a ridiculous throw, and could always beat you as long as there wasn’t any time left on that clock when he was done.
Tom Brady: Yeah, he’s been around long enough now. He’s in the discussion. On his way to four Super Bowls and can do it managing a game like he did early in his career or throwing it all over the place to superstars like he does now.
Johnny Unitas: No, I didn’t see him play, but come on, there’s a reason all the quarterback awards are named after him. Defined the position as it is played today in the National Football League. I think he gets a spot above a guy Mike Homgren admitted was pretty hard to control at times, no?
Terry Bradshaw: Yes, also in the “before my time” category, but come on, four Super Bowls and two SB MVP’s. Sure, he was surrounded by superior talent. Go ask Warren Moon if that’s simply enough. Vastly underrated, he piloted the one of the greatest dynasties in the sport and was their leader.
Fran Tarkenton: Another “before my time” guy, he was the first scrambling quarterback to really make a name for himself in the league. Led the Vikings to three Super Bowl appearances. Held nearly every passing record when he retired, much like Favre will. And he co-hosted “That’s Incredible!” Maybe I’ll move Favre past Tarkenton if Favre becomes the star of a cheesy reality show.
Peyton Manning: Yeah, he’s Dan Marino with a ring. Yeah, he’s also failed in clutch situations at times and doesn’t always win. Much like Brett Favre. Yes, overpraised, clearly, by advertisers. That being said, While there’s nothing wrong with Favre’s gunslinger mentality, Manning’s intellectual approach to the game can’t be underestimated, and finally in the end, he is a winner. And he would never attempt some boneheaded underhanded throw to a tackle eligible across the line of scrimmage that would have Jake Plummer wetting his pants.
So, before you get all misty-eyed and what is likely the last playoff run of one of the league’s most beloved players, remember this: he threw six interceptions in a game against a St. Louis Rams squad that will never be remembered for their defense. You think any of the other guys on my list are doing that? Think about it.
In an effort to better provide media attention to the often dejected LPGA tour, the Sportsblahg has decided to give a weekly feature to the ladies of the tour, entitled “The Hot List”. This hot list will feature none of the following: Brian Kenny, Anything related to sports, Tiger Woods and most importantly John Miller (at least we’ll try not to). No the hot list is all about the outfits my friend, whose wearing what and how good did it look. It’s time to get in touch with our metrosexual side and talk the talk about whose wearing what (unfortunately Joan Rivers was not willing to contribute to these articles, her loss).
2007 Year In Review, 2008 Preview:
Best Look from ‘07:
How can you argue with 12 months of Natalie Gulbis? The LPGA hasn’t seen something this hot since they cut the shorts inseem from 14″ to 7″! Props to the LT of hotness on the LPGA, looks like she’s on pace to have another solid year on top.
Worst Look from ‘07:
Laura Davis, let me introduce you to some sunless tanner for those thighs, but nicely, because it also looks like you could bench press twice my weight!
Best Look Power Rankings for 2008:
1. Natalie Gulbis:
Need I say more?
2. Anna Rawson:
She could certainly give Natalie a run for her money in 2008!
3. Carlie Butler:
They do say blondes have more fun! And this one is determined to climb ranks.
4. Cristie Kerr:
Because what she’s doing with that trophy is HOTT.
5. Michelle Wie:
Is she legally allowed to do that on camera?
Dark Hoarse: Lorena Ochoa
She’s done the winning thing, now it’s time to shine on the hot list! I have high hopes for the beauty from Mexico!
With all 3 billion College Bowl games over, I think it is a fitting time to produce a list of bowl games I’d like to see in 2008… advertising budgets be damned:
The Smith-Wesson Shootout Bowl: What’s more American than football? The 2nd amendment, of course! That’s why a bowl game sponsored by one of America’s top gun manufactuers would be more than fitting. There could be giveaways, and even a literal shoot out at half time between the two schools’ mascots! Of course, we’d have to get the NRA involved as a minority sponsor and obviously have Charlton Heston sing the national anthem (or flip the coin… your call). It could set off bowl week with a bang!
The Safety Bowl, Sponsored by Trojan: Located in some back yard in the San Fernando Valley, this bowl game would be the pillar of high morality in a time of debauchery. Do you think they could get Men Without Hats to perform at halftime? Free giveaways would be a must, and depending on how well the organizers negotiate, it could be a magnum-sized matchup (this game has national title game potential written all over it)! It would be tough NOT to have USC in this one, but being that most kids in Pasadena venture to the valley at least once or twice during their four years, I think they’d be able to find the game!
The Smokeout Bowl, Sponsored by Phillip-Morris: Well, they can’t promote smoking, but they can promote not smoking (which is kind of a promotion of smoking, but I digress). Free Nicorette gum and patches for all who want one (or who just want a little extra boost), a national anthem sung by Ned from South Park, and each section of the stadium would be its own support group. I see a great tie-in potential here for New Year’s Resolutions, too! And to kick it all off, Joe Camel takes on the Marlboro Man in an XFL-style coin toss!
The Jugg Bowl, Sponsored by Hooters & Hustler: They’ve got what football needs: scantily clad women! Instead of bringing the fans to Hooters, why not have Hooters bring the restaurant to the game? All concession stands serve only Hooters wings (preferably naked, but that’s just me) and all collegiate cheerleaders get outfitted in Hooters apparel. I can hear the fans cheering on Lee Corso (pictured right) as he puts on a Hooters outfit to show his support (instead of a team mascot). Likewise, if you have Hustler as a title sponsor, each college could submit their top 5 females for a face off with one winning the prize of degrading herself with a spread in the magazine!
The Bud Bowl, Sponsored by Budweiser: Wait, we’re not allowed to advertise alcohol to minors? Seriously? That’s a rule that we have to stick to? Are you sure we can’t buy our way through? Because it would be AWESOME! Well… what about renaming the Super Bowl?
The Balco Bowl, Sponsored by Balco Laboratories and George Mitchell: Nicknamed the “upgrade bowl”, this bowl game would pit the two worst teams in the entire BCS (so Duke and someone else) against each other after being injected with steroids for 4 weeks. The results could be fantastic! Just think how good players would be on the juice (granted, they’d have to go back off of it after the season ended, but that’s another topic). It would be like watching Mark McGuire, Mo Vaughn, Andy Pettite, Jason Giambi or Floyd Landis without the guilt of cheating (because, in this case, literally… everyone is doing it)!
