I have been playing in a co-ed softball league now for two years, and if there’s one thing it has taught me, it’s that females are not reliable. Well, at least the females that have been on my team and only in regards to attending games. However, it got me thinking about who I’d bring on to my co-ed team if money, celebrity status and my ineffectiveness to woo females were put aside. I think the list speaks pretty well for itself, but let’s discuss it anyway (order is based on reverse hitting position):
#9 - Jamie Sale:
Apparently according to the Gods of the mini-diamond, the #9 spot is a great spot for a short fast player, and for that we turn to the goddess of the great white north, Jamie Sale. Sure she’s a skater and not a softball player, but her size gives her an advantage at the plate. With a strike zone the size of a 6″ subway sub, she is a perfect fit to get on base and be ready to score when the big guns come up.
#8 - Alison Stokke:
She’s a beauty who knows how to wield a big pole. Well that’s because she’s a champion pole vaulter. We at the Sportsblahg are confident that is she can wield a pole vault pole, she can swing a softball bat with little to no problems. Plus she’s got great speed to steal bases with. She’d be a perfect fit in our #8 spot where we expect her to hit singles and keep the rallies alive! As well as continue to look fabulous 
#7 - Kira Gracie:
You might be asking yourself, why would we pick an MMA star to be on our softball team, but you forget that in baseball and softball fights break out pretty frequently and the key is to have someone who can hold their own. Well, Kira has beaten many women and more importantly she has kicked the crap out of a number of men, which is the reason why she gets the start in our #8 spot where she can dutifully protect this guy from getting his face beat in by an angry female opponent (NO, it hasn’t happened before so shut up).
#6 - Lokelani McMichael:
Having good endurance players is key to any lineup, and with that we go to the best, triathlon guru Lokelani McMichael. For starters she’s from Hawaii, which if you read our article on Little League Baseball, you’d realize that’s where all the best players are from. Not to mention she’s used to heat and she can lift a bike in heels (you try it). She’d be a perfect fit in our sixth spot in the lineup as she’ll be able to come up and get a big hit or could beat out a slow ground ball to 3rd. Seriously though, she can lift a mountain bike in heels!!
#5 - Anna Rawson:
The Sportsblahg has already titled her as one of its dark hoarses for the “Hot Lists” top female golfer this year and she is certainly living up to that title. We see her skills at whacking the ball as a plus, since we’ll need some pop in the middle of our lineup. Her 5′10″ height gives her a large strike zone, but her ability to hit a ball an eighth the size of a softball makes us confident she’ll be a solid hitter int he #5 hole. However, it might hurt a bit sliding in a skirt (not that we would complain).
#4 - Maria Sharapova:
Despite quite an embarrassing in the French Open we still have faith that Maria can whack the ball better than anyone else. That’s why we’ve positioned her at the cleanup spot in our fictional lineup. She’s got the power (have you seen her forehand) and the tenacity to be our home run producer. Not to mention how awesome it will sound when she grunts as she sends a ball 25 feet over the fence in dead center field. She too may have a problem with the skirt however, but clearly, we will not.
#3 - Jennie Finch:
I don’t think any one is going to argue with the face (and body) of Women’s softball in the #3 spot on our roster. Jennie is the full deal and regardless of whether or not you think she can ACTUALLY hit, she’s a pitcher after all, we did the research and she hit a modest .309 in college. Compare that with the fact that she’ll be facing a high arc pitch versus the fast ones she’s used to seeing and look out! We also expect her to pitch for us, simply because that would be totally bad ass. Although we’re not exactly sure how much time she’ll have free to commit to games due to her “Bound to Bejing” tour with team USA. But we’re hopeful for next season!
#2 - Mia Hamm:
Nomar’s hitting advice/coaching aside, Mia is a formidable talent that if nothing else has learned what NOT to do by watching her husband play over the last few years; although we’re confident she’s watched pre-wrist injury tape and knows how to smack the ball. Add in the fact that she’s fast and a natural leader, we think she will make a perfect captain and drill sergeant for all of us lazy weekend only players. We’d have her hit in the #2 spot. Not to mention she has cute friends that take their shirts off during games, that’s always a plus!!
#1 - Carrie Underwood:
If you haven’t seen Ms. Underwood’s video entitled “Before He Cheats” then you don’t understand why we’re putting her in our lead off spot. If you need more reasoning why, well, then just see below:
Now that our team is stacked, we’re ready for the competition!!!
Leave a Reply