Unfortunately we did not have the budget to send a reporter to Game 6 to cover the Celtics 17th championship, but if we had, we feel the report would have looked something like this:
Boston Celtics 131, Los Angeles Lakers 92
BOSTON, MA - The Boston Celtics reenacted their version of the Boston Tea Party on the Los Angeles Lakers Tuesday night, en route to a 131-92 victory and their 17th NBA Championship.
Needing a win to keep the series alive, the Lakers tried to rile up their fan base in the first quarter by jumping out to an early lead, thanks to Lakers MVP guard, Kobe Bryant. Unfortunately the excitement did not catch on as most LA fans were upset because they found out they weren’t at a red carpet event and actually at a basketball game. Many prominent Hollywood stars were over heard saying, “Where’s my gift bag and that bitch Vanity Fair reporter and why the hell are there people running around in front of me?”
Without any support it was only a matter of time before the Lakers lost all the fumes they were running on.
Scientists from the Boston College were brought in to try and gauge the average BAC level, which they found to be .24, thanks in large part to the Celtics “Irish Section”, which is roughly 2/3 of the stadiums’ crowd. When asked why they needed to be so intoxicated to enjoy the game, the average response was, ” GO FACK YOUR-SELF” and frankly, how can you argue with that?
The Celtics turn around from a year ago, when they won a mere 24 games, is certainly an inspirational one. However Knick fans who think that this can happen to them next season, well, the jokes on you. The Celtics concocted their turn around through a variety of factors: First, they were screwed in the draft. Second, they picked up Ray Allen. And Third, and most importantly, General Manager Danny Ainge was able to leverage a deal with former Celtics great Kevin McHale. If anyone is surprised that McHale was willing to pull off a trade to make the Celtics great again, they’re bonkers.
The team will now spend the next week partying with every attractive girl in New England (see picture) and will then enjoy some time off with their real families and/or gangs and should start working on next season in Mid-August. When asked how his team accomplished what it did, Head Coach Doc Rivers said, “I have absolutely no idea, I mean I don’t even know how to coach. I guess it was the fact that we had the greatest threesome in the last decade leading the way. All I had to do was come up with a catchy word (Ubuntu) that we can use and trademark to help sell more Celtics gear this off season!”
Disappointment was evident in the Lakers locker room, as head coach Phil Jackson was seen cleaning his nine other championship rings, “It’s just too bad” Jackson said. 
“My left pinkie will have to wait another season to get the ring that every other finger on my hand has.” Others in the locker room including Laker’s long range specialist Sasha Vujacic were seen pouting/crying saying that, “It wasn’t fare that they are bigger, stronger and tougher than we are, we’re the Lakers and deserve the championship just because we came out of the Western Conference!” Pau Gasol could not be reached for comment after the game, but many journalists claim to hear loud sobbing coming from the trainer’s room (which was locked).
For Bryant, it was a hard way to end a season that started out with him wanting to be traded, all the way to having a nearly unbeatable squad. “It was a tough series” Bryant said. “But it’s over and time for me to take an MVP style vacation.” Odds are that will not be to Colorado.
- The Nate, Live in Boston
lol i like it
sabrina
June 19th, 2008