While everyone is trying to tell you who is going to win the Big Dance, the Sportsblahg is going to take a different stance and tell you the teams that are NOT going to win the tournament. Granted 64 teams won’t will (well, 63 now), but the Sportsblahg is comfortable that the following teams will not be the ones dancing to “One Shining Moment” by David Barrett:
- Coppin State - Alright fine, so they already lost! Geez, I just figured we’d start out with an easy one!!
- South Alabama - Because none of them can find San Antonio on a map, simply because they’re looking for it, in Mexico.
- Kansas State - Despite having the 2nd best player in Men’s Division I basketball (and likely the #1 overall pick in the NBA draft in June), there is no Beasley in team (but you can see that). Not to mention they are playing a team with O.J. Mayo (probably the greatest combination of snacks in a name, ever!!).
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- Cornell - Let’s be honest, Ivy League kind of smart kids haven’t been good since Princeton in the mid-90’s and Princeton in the 1960’s before that. However if there is some sort of math problem, or a hotel issue, then pencil the big red into the finals!!
- Duke - Because, as those wise sages on Fark.com say, Duke sucks, nuff said.
Belmont - Well, even if they did, no student would really care, from what I hear they’re all high on something other than life.
- Indiana - Because cheaters never win, unless you’re: Mark McGuire, Barry Bonds, Floyd Landis, Marion Jones, Justin Gatlin or Jason Giambi. The key, Indiana is doing the wrong kind of cheating, and will cause them to lose.
- Arizona - Team will lose at the last minute when head coach Lute Olsen falls asleep on the sidelines due to a game taking place after 7pm.
- UCONN - Team has to forfeit when a majority of players are arrested for not only stealing laptops, but the students that owned the laptops.
UNLV - Lose via forfeit as well because the team “got hot at the craps table over at the Wynn”. The team does finish with the highest grossing amount in NCAA history.- San Diego - Because, “Dude, there’s some pretty sweet waves down at the beach today.”
That should help you on your way to March Madness pool supremacy! Just remember to tip the Sportsblahg 15% when you win the office pool (**the Sportsblahg is not responsible for any losses that result in taking The Nate’s advice)**.
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