Well, it’s that time of the year again. It’s the time when we all bitch and moan about how the BCS doesn’t work, how we need a college football playoff system, and how none of us are willing to do anything about it. So, instead, we end up with a bunch of crappy bowl games that none of us really care about - except the National Championship, which will be cared about by two of the largest fan bases in college football. Hmm, what a strange coincidence. No, I’m not bitter.
Here’s a sampling of the slate of this year’s bowl games. I’m proposing stripping the games of their corporate or historical names, and replacing them with more accurate names.
The Literal Bowl
December 31st, Fort Worth, TX
Air Force vs. California
For the first time since its inception four years ago, the Armed Forces Bowl will actually include a branch of the Armed Forces. Next up: the late Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University plays in the Liberty Bowl, and the International Correspondence School plays in the Meineke Car Care Bowl.
The Hangover Bowl
January 1st, 11:00am, Tampa, FL
#16 Tennessee vs. #18 Wisconsin
If you’re actually awake and not nursing a splitting headache while this game is being played, you’re a bigger man than I am. Outback is the actual sponsor of this bowl game, but I would suggest Alka-Seltzer step in instead.
We Got Screwed Bowl
January 1st, Dallas, TX
#6 Missouri vs. Arkansas
Missouri plays the team responsible for catapulting them to #1. The Tigers could come to play at the Cotton Bowl, but will more likely protest the BCS by just not showing up at all.
The Swamp Bowl
January 1st, Orlando, FL
#12 Florida vs. Michigan
The Gators play less than two hours from their campus at the Capital One Bowl. Home field advantage much? Michigan would really rather play just about anyone else here - except maybe Appalachian State.
The Non-Hawaii Hawaii Bowl
January 1st, New Orleans, LA
#5 Georgia vs. #10 Hawaii
We’re not in Hawaii anymore. That’s a damn shame, too, because New Orleans ain’t no paradise. Nor is facing a team about ten times better than any other team you faced this season.
The Three-Down Bowl
January 5th, Toronto, Ontario
Ball State vs. Rutgers
Poor Rutgers. They go from being a contender one year to playing on the home field of the Toronto Argonauts the next. Sadly, they’re Americanizing the playing field, so Ray Rice can’t pad his stats on a 110-yard field, and then write himself a ticket to next year’s Grey Cup.
It’s a Good Thing This is Being Played On a Monday So I Can Watch a Rerun of Heroes Instead Bowl (Alternately, The Battle of Who Could Care Less)
January 7th, New Orleans, LA
#1 Ohio State vs. #2 LSU
It’s exactly the championship matchup that people predicted two months ago! Oh wait, that was before we realized that both of these teams were horribly overrated when they lost to unranked opponents. Whoops.
Can WVU go to the We Only Lose to Unranked Teams Bowl? Perhaps they can play some high school team and lose.
StuyGirl
December 3rd, 2007