SportsBlahg

October is finally over. Dane Cook can go back to being the spokesman for fratboys and douchebags everywhere, rather than being the spokesman of Major League Baseball. But what will his November be like? Let’s look into our crystal ball…

November 1, 12:01am: Crawls into a corner to cry like a little girl because October is over. “There’s only one October, there’s only one October, there’s only one October,” he bawls, while rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

November 2, 8:19pm: Realizing that he is no longer relevant now that October is over, Dane Cook’s smoking hot girlfriend, Raquel Houghton, breaks things off with him. Having a thing for October, she later goes on to date 61 year-old Reggie Jackson.

November 5, 11:43am: While waiting in line at Starbucks, a man in a Colorado Rockies t-shirt approaches Dane Cook and asks, “hey, are you Dane Cook?” Upon saying “yes, I am,” the man promptly punches Cook in the face and yells, “there’s two Octobers, bitch! This is your Red October!”

November 5, 2:07pm: While waiting in line at a Deli, a man in a New York Yankees t-shirt approaches Dane Cook and asks, “hey, are you Dane Cook?” Cook, in a shocked and appalled tone, replies, “me? That douchebag? Hell no! I want to punch that faggot in the face!”

November 11, 1:21am: While drinking at an after-party for his Cleveland show, two Indians fans see Dane Cook across the bar and are immediately reminded of their painful collapse in the ALCS. They accost Cook by holding him by his ankles upside down, and asking him to plead for forgiveness for ruining their October.

November 18, 8:37pm: While walking out to the stage at his show at Madison Square Garden, he high-fives members of the audience. He sees a man in a Mets hat and says, “let’s go Mets!” Ten seconds later, when high-fiving a girl in a Yankees hat, he says, “let’s go Yankees!” Fifteen seconds after that, he sees a man in a Texas Rangers hat, a hat that he deems unrecognizable, and shouts, “yeah! Let’s go Baseball!”

November 22, 2:30pm: At Thanksgiving dinner in Arlington, Massachusetts, Dane Cook is confronted by relatives and forced to profess his love for the Red Sox and swear he wasn’t just “rooting for a good game” during the World Series.

November 30, 4:57pm: Dane Cook’s phone rings. It is the head of marketing for the NFL, offering him a sizable sum of money for their new ad campaign: There’s Only One January! He accepts the offer, and immediately begins practicing his pronunciation of some football player guy named Favre. Is it ”FAH-ver?” Or is it “FAHV-rah?”

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 1st, 2007 at 12:01 am and is filed under Baseball. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.