SportsBlahg

7-6! A winning week in last week’s picks was bolstered by a stellar 3-0 in the Best Bets! Namely, because I finally figured out that the Colts and Patriots are really, really good. Oh, and that the Browns are much improved. Romeo Crennel may hang on to his job after all.

So, what’s going on in the league this week? Nothing special, I’m sure. Let’s go straight to the picks, all home teams in caps and courtesy of the World Sports Exchange.

Byes this week: The Bears deal with looking up in the standings at the Lions, the Rams deal with the fact that they are now the Lamest Show on Turf, the Dolphins deal with the nagging from all their old, crusty grandpas, er, the ‘72 and ‘73 Dolphins, and the Giants deal with the fact they’ve been kicking ass and the Yankees are still dominating all the headlines.

Redskins (-3.5) over JETS: Okay, I finally get what I wanted, Kellen Clemens at quarterback. Not because I thought he was the answer, but because I think the season’s over,  and it’s time to see if this guy is the answer or if the Jets will be drafting Matt Ryan or Andre’ Woodson, or trading a third-round pick for Derek Anderson. The point is, it’s not Chad Pennington’s fault, but it was time.

CHIEFS (-2.5) over Packers: The Mr. Popularity Mockery Bowl is on! The Chiefs, led by my favorite ex-Jets coach, versus the Packers, led by my favorite legendary quarterback likely to make a boneheaded rookie mistake. I can barely contain myself.

Cardinals (+3.5) over BUCCANEERS: Kurt Warner gets the start? Good enough for me.

TITANS (-4) over Panthers: So, it turned out that David Carr just sucks! Apologies over the years to all the Texans’ offensive linemen that were continually maligned.

49ers (+3) over FALCONS: The Falcons shouldn’t be favored by three over anyone, even the offensively challenged 49ers.

Jaguars (+3.5) over SAINTS: This is just the kind of game Jacksonville gets you with. I may have made that Jean Grey joke last week, but Quinn Gray is a functional backup, which is all the Jags need.

BILLS (+1) over Bengals: The Bengals, my Non-Patriots Super Bowl pick, have turned out to be an utter disaster. But should they fire Marvin Lewis? For any other franchise, their underachievement this far into his program would be unacceptable. But when you remember what a joke the franchise was before he got there, he may have earned an opportunity to turn this around at least one more year. Besides, knowing this franchise’s history, they’re likely to hire the Dolphins’ special teams coach or something like that.

Chargers (-7) over VIKINGS: The Mr. Popularity Fantasy Backfield Bowl, LaDainian Tomlinson brings the Chargers, and Adrian Peterson, brings a bunch of dudes in purple uniforms. (By the way, my team with these two? 4-4. Ah, life in an 8-team league.)

BROWNS (-1.5) over Seahawks: I’ll take my chances with the AFC team in a matchup of the middlingly decent. Speaking of which, can any NFC team actually win the Super Bowl? Sure! With a little assistance. Two words: spiked Gatorade.

Texans (+3) over RAIDERS: So, since the Brady Quinn Era won’t happen this year, we have to start clamoring for the JaMarcus Russell era to get started. You won’t see prettier interceptions unless someone brings Jeff George back.

Cowboys (-3) over EAGLES: So, can we get the Donovan McNabb trade speculation under way yet? I’m liking the Ravens to try yet again to plug that hole that’s been under center since they moved from Cleveland. Dark horses: Minnesota and Atlanta.

Ravens (+9) over STEELERS: I’m not sure why I’ve been down on the Steelers of late, that Broncos loss has kind of stayed with me, even as I got burned last week. Now it’s time for this week’s Mike Tomlin Kinda Looks Like Omar Epps Joke.  Did you know that Mike Tomlin spent some time after college as a boxer? Showing what a progessive thinker he is, he had a plucky female manager who seemed like she really used to be cute as a button before she got this waxy, hardened look, possibly from plastic surgery. (Of course, you could also say that about Jerry Jones.) Dan Rooney remembered this kind of forward thinking when Tomlin became a candidate for the Steelers job.

Well, that wraps it up, except for…

THE MOST IMPORTANT REGULAR SEASON GAME IN THE HISTORY OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE! It’s almost here! 4:15 pm, Sunday, CBS. Be there!

Well, here’s what you need to know: Both offenses are, of course, explosive, but the Colts may possibly be down a number-one receiver, as Marvin Harrison is listed as doubtful. The Colts defense is much improved, but this is a tall order. Fortunately, safety Bob Sanders is playing, and when Bob Sanders plays, the Colts seem to win. But their corners, who have been good so far this year, haven’t seen a combination like Randy Moss and Wes Welker, as complete a receiving corps as you can get with height, speed, good hands, and toughness over the middle. Oh, and they have other receivers too. But the how good is the Patriots defense? A quiet question left unanswered, as the Pats have just blown people away. Historically, they’ve always gotten the stops they need, but with the Pats being so offensive-oriented, might they have lost their edge? They blew a lead to these same Colts in last year’s AFC Championship. Well, enough is enough. Time to pick.

Patriots (-6) over COLTS: No disrespect to the champs, but the Patriots have been playing on another level, which sucks for the Colts, because in any other year, they’d be the prohibitive favorites to win it all. I joked all spring and summer to Pats fans like my brother and Chris that this team was going undefeated and they should cancel the season. And now it’s happening. I’m not calling myself psychic or anything (as you can tell from these picks), but I’ll be making a lot more jokes about sleeping with absurdly hot women. The Pats defense will slow a hobbled Colts offense enough to win a high scoring game. 44-28, Patriots. Yes, that would mean take the over (57) as well.

Well, it’s off to pick a sports bar to gather the gang…keep an eye out for the Countdown to Super Bowl XLI1/2 over the weekend, people.

Best Bets: Cowboys, Chargers, Titans, Redskins

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 1st, 2007 at 11:56 pm and is filed under Football. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.