SportsBlahg

I don’t know if you heard, but the NBA is in trouble. What else is new?

Not helping matters is the alienation of two of what were once the league’s biggest and most loyal markets. First, Seattle, where despite the presence of an electric young player in Kevin Durant and the team’s seemingly impending move to Oklahoma City has disillusioned the fans. Next is New York, an embarrassing franchise run by embarrassing people with embarrassing stars.

Now, the league took a step in the right direction by reviving the Celtics. The league doesn’t necessarily need the Knicks to be good if the Celtics are. The Celtics, we forget now, had once been the league’s dominant franchise and East Coast standard-bearer (damn, it pains me to write that). But in these times of falling ratings, you can never have enough backup. That’s why we have to help these markets.

After all, Seattle is not a city exactly crawling with championships. They have one, in fact, and it was the Sonics who gave it to them. And I think both Seattle and New York want to love their Sonics and Knicks, respectively.

But because of greedy owners, management, nepotism, weight problems, drug use, bad trades, and idiot celebrities willing to pay $2000 for courtside seats to watch anything resembling a contender (you can guess which team has what problems), they can not.

My friend Joe has come up with a solution, and Sportsblahg is bringing it to the public. It’s so obvious, it’s either madness or genius.

Step 1: Oklahoma City wants a team so bad? They really, really, really, love the NBA, right? Well, awesome. You just got yourself a team with a well-known coach, talented players, and the steady ownership that comes from being lucky enough to get your own cable monopoly!

Ladies and gentlemen, your Oklahoma City Thrashers: At point guard, Stephon “so, you wanna get in the truck” Marbury! At shooting guard Jamal “Shot Selection is for Chumps” Crawford! At center, Eddy “I only play because I’m tall” Curry! At power forward, Zach “You want a piece of me” Randolph! And at small forward, David “I’m not just a likable, hustling, token white guy” Lee! (Oh, wait, they’re probably still starting Quentin “oh, my back” Richardson.)

Anyway, the point is that if Oklahoma City loves the NBA soooo much, they’ll take anything. This justly punishes the Dolan family for their mismanagement and the sexual harassment case by devaluing their franchise even more than they already have, this helps keep the Sonics in Seattle because the Oklahoma City window would be closed, and nobody in New York would notice if the Knicks disappeared for a few years. In the minds of many of us, they already have. Which leads to…

Step 2: The current crop of fools is shipped out of town, but along the same lines as when the Cleveland Browns became the Baltimore Ravens, New York gets to retain the team colors, logos, and history. Then, in about two years, the expansion “Knicks” come back, owned and run by sane people who will try to build a team and not just collect max salaries that will choke their salary cap until the end of eternity or the league folds, whichever comes first.

Tah-dah! Two important markets that care about the NBA are saved, and a third one is born. It would take some concessions and serious negotiations, and showing Stephon Marbury a map so he could know where Oklahoma City is, but it can be done, David Stern.

Which means it probably won’t. He’ll likely just stick with his current plan: making sure the Celtics and the Suns get all the referees’ calls so they can go to the Finals. Ah, but a couple of cities can dream, no?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 6th, 2007 at 10:30 pm and is filed under Basketball. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.