SportsBlahg

Just to update you all, still no Joe Torre firing. The second day of Yankee organizational meetings in Tampa has come and gone, and according to my disreputable source, here’s what went down today:

9:00 am: Once again, buffet-style breakfast. Today’s special: Pancakes! Of course this prompts a surprise visit from Jason Giambi. But he brings his own rather suspicious syrup.

9:30 am: The mock trial of Joe Torre is held off to discuss an actual successor to Joe Torre, which was all but assured to be Don Mattingly, until some quotes came through in the media saying that he feels he might not be ready, later refuted. A short list is eventually put together, ranked from most to least desirable: Don Mattingly, Tony La Russa, Joe Girardi, Bobby Valentine, and the guy who got the Colorado Rockies in touch with Jesus…since that seems to be working.

11:15 am: Mock trial of Joe Torre shelved for later this afternoon to review the Alex Rodriguez situation. Thanks to George Steinbrenner’s top secret, ninja-clad team of “cleaners”, they got advance galleys of Scott Boras’ 1,380 page glossy coffee table book, “Alex Rodriguez: How He Will Revolutionize Your Regular Season.”

12:30 pm: Today’s motivational speaker: Yankee consultant and former GM Gene “Stick” Michael on some random topic called ‘the farm system’.

1:15 pm: Lunch. Hideki Matsui hosts a little shabu-shabu.

2:15 pm: Busybody son-in-law Felix Lopez, married to George Steinbrenner’s daughter and now part of the brain trust, addresses the room to assure everyone how he will be a good husband, and not screw up like Steve Swindal.

3:30 pm: Testimonials on Joe Torre’s behalf from free agents Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posada.

4:00 pm: Testimonial against Joe Torre by Gary Sheffield: “Joe Torre doesn’t care about black people.” Reliever Mike Myers, who pitched for the Yankees for a while this season and happens to be at the meeting, is flabbergasted.

4:45 pm: A decision still can’t be reached. Since George demands some action be taken for all the free food the “brain trust” has eaten during these organizational meetings, it is agreed that Ron Guidry, pitching coach, will not be asked back. “That’ll show them we mean business”, says Lopez. I can’t believe my sister married this douchebag, thinks Hal.

5:25 pm: Derek Jeter stops by, sees if anyone wants head east to Miami and hit the club.

The meetings wrap up tomorrow. The mock trial may not happen, but some decisions defintely will be made. Right? Please?

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 18th, 2007 at 12:48 pm and is filed under Baseball. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.